This article is a translation. Original: How Not to Bomb Your Offer Negotiation - haseeb qureshi, Cover Photo by Yura Timoshenko on Unsplash

Prerequisites: Ten Rules for Negotiating a Job Offer

So you already know the first 5 rules. You’ve completed the initial offer interactions, and you’ve gotten offers from other companies. Now it’s time to get into the actual negotiation.

Naturally, this is the part where things start to go wrong. But don’t worry, stick with it, and I’ll make you a superhuman negotiator. (Or at least an eccentrically wealthy negotiator, which is even better?)

But seriously, in this article, I’m going to dive deep into the entire negotiation process and discuss the final 5 rules on how to negotiate a job offer.

Let’s start from the beginning.

What does it take to be a good negotiator?

Most people think good negotiation is about staring someone down, acting confident, and demanding lots of money. But being a good negotiator is much more subtle than that.

What does a good negotiator sound like?

You might have a friend or family member who is unpopular for being difficult—the kind of person who walks into a department store with a cement-mixer mindset, stubbornly arguing with management until they get a refund.

This kind of person seems to often get what they want. They make you cringe, but maybe you should try to be more like them?

Rest assured, this kind of person is actually a terrible negotiator. They excel at being difficult and making a scene, which can sometimes convince a waitress or shift manager to placate them. But when negotiating with business partners (i.e., employers), this style of negotiation will get you nowhere.

A good negotiator is empathetic and collaborative. They don’t try to control you or issue ultimatums. Instead, they try to think creatively about how to satisfy both your needs and theirs.

So, when you’re thinking about how to negotiate a job offer, don’t haggle like you’re selling a used car. Think of it more like negotiating dinner plans with a group of friends—you’ll negotiate much better.

Cutting the Cake

Another important distinction between good and bad negotiators is that bad negotiators tend to view negotiation as a zero-sum game.

Imagine we are negotiating over a cake. In a zero-sum negotiation, if I take a bigger piece, you get a smaller one. Any gain for me comes at your expense.

This is obviously true for cutting a cake, right? So, what makes job negotiation different?

But cutting a cake can actually be more than just that. What if I hate the corner frosting bits but you love them? What if I really like cherries? What if I like scraping off some frosting, but you specifically love frosting? What if I’m full and you’re hungry, but you agree to treat me to my favorite cake next time?

Of course, when I posed the question, I didn’t mention anything about cherries, nor did I mention how I felt about corner crumbs. It seemed like I was just talking nonsense.

But this is exactly what great negotiators do. They break the rules. They question assumptions and ask unexpected questions. They dig into what everyone core cares about and look for creative ways to expand the breadth of the negotiation.

While you’re thinking about how to haggle in a zero-sum game, I’m thinking about how to give both of us the feeling of having more than half the cake.

Parties in a negotiation almost always value things differently. We might value the same things—after all, we both care about the cake. But we don’t value aspects of the cake in exactly the same way, so there might be a way for each of us to get more of what we want.

Most people, when negotiating a job offer, think they need to stubbornly haggle like it’s a cake. They never stop to ask: “Hey, what do I really value? Why do I value it? What does the company value? Why do they value it so much?”

Job negotiation has many facets: salary, signing bonus, stock, year-end or performance bonuses, commuting benefits, relocation costs, equipment, education allowance, childcare allowance, extra vacation time, later start times, getting an hour a day for exercise, learning, meditation, or playing card games.

You can choose which team you are assigned to, what your first project is, what technologies you will use, and sometimes even your title.

Maybe you’re a person who likes cake frosting, and the company prefers cherries. But if you don’t ask, you’ll never know.

Stick with this negotiation mindset

Okay. Let’s pick up the negotiation where we left off. All the offers are in, and the recruiter is eagerly waiting for you to keep the negotiation ball rolling.

Let’s start negotiating!

Phone vs. Email

Your first decision is whether to negotiate over the phone or via email.

Talking on the phone not only signals a confident attitude, but more importantly, it allows you to build a strong relationship with the recruiter.

On the phone, you can joke, laugh, and connect. You want your recruiter to like you, understand you, empathize with you, and want you to succeed. Similarly, you want to care about your recruiter and understand what motivates them.

The best deals are made between friends, and it’s hard to make friends over email.

However, if you are not confident in your negotiation skills, you should try to steer the negotiation towards email. Written, asynchronous communication gives you more time to formulate your negotiation strategy and makes it easier to say uncomfortable things without pressure from the recruiter.

That said, recruiters always prefer to negotiate with you over the phone; it’s basically their home court. They are also well aware that negotiating via email is easier, but they have no interest in making it easier for you. They will often be vague about offers in emails and only be willing to discuss specific details over the phone.

If you want to stick to email, you have to push back against phone negotiation. There are no secrets to hide: just be honest and state how you want to proceed.

Tell them:

Hi [Recruiter Name], hope you’re having a good day.

Re: your previous email, I would prefer to discuss the details of the offer with you via email. I sometimes get nervous on important phone calls, so discussing the offer via email helps me keep a clear head and allows for a clearer communication process. I hope discussing via email is ok with you :)

No nonsense, no bluffing. Just tell the truth and say what you want.

Honesty and directness have power, use them well.

(Also, notice how I wrote “discuss the details of the offer” instead of “negotiate”. Never describe what you are doing as a negotiation; it sounds like standing on opposite sides haggling. Instead, describe it as a discussion; they will be less likely to feel defensive.)

Negotiation Rule #6: Have Alternatives

I mentioned before how important it is to have multiple offers. I will emphasize it again: having multiple offers is very, very valuable.

With other offers in hand, if your negotiation doesn’t succeed, they know you will just accept another offer. Your negotiating position suddenly becomes much more credible because they know you might turn around and walk away to accept another offer.

This effect is even more pronounced if you have offers from well-known companies. If you have an offer from a company’s main competitor (and now they really want to poach you from the big bad competitor company), the effect hits its peak.

Companies engage in some stupid tribalism, partly trying to deprive competitors of talent. Either way, use it, and employ tactics with the companies you are targeting.

But what if you didn’t manage to get any other offers? Is all negotiation off the table?

Not at all. What matters here is not if there are actually other offers. More specifically, it’s about having strong alternatives. That’s why Negotiation Rule #6 is: Have Alternatives.

Negotiation requires stakes. If there is no risk, and you are certain the other party will sign the contract, what incentive do you give them to offer you more?

Your alternatives determine the stakes of the negotiation. By signaling your options, you allow your interlocutor to build a mental model of when and why you might walk away from the negotiation. Your alternatives also anchor the other party’s perception of your objective value.

In negotiation literature, your best alternative is often called a BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement). Basically, this is what you would do if you walked away from the table.

I really like the acronym BATNA, mostly because it sounds like a gadget Batman would use to lure bad guys.

So, if you don’t have other offers, what is your BATNA? Do you have one?

Of course you do. Your best option might be “interviewing at more companies” or “going to grad school” or “staying at your current job” or “taking a few months off in Morocco” (like a friend of mine did, deciding between joining a startup and touring North Africa).

The point is, you don’t need other offers to have a strong BATNA. The power of your BATNA comes from:

1. How strong the other party thinks it is.
2. How strong you think it is.

If your recruiter thinks grad school is a great thing, then they will think you have a very strong option, and the risk of the negotiation increases.

But even if they think grad school is ridiculous, if you convince them that you would be very happy to go to grad school, then the onus is on them to make the deal more attractive to you than grad school.

Therefore, you need to communicate your BATNA to let them know. It doesn’t have to be clumsy, but you need to make it a background factor in the negotiation. (Note: Usually, whenever you signal your BATNA to the other party, you should also reiterate your interest in reaching an agreement).

For example:

I received another offer from Other Company with a very attractive salary, but I really like the mission of Your Company and think you are a better fit for me overall.

I’m also considering going back to graduate school to get my Master’s. However, I’m very excited about Your Company and would love to join the team, but if I’m going to give up that option, the offer package needs to make sense for me.

Note: One of the biggest mistakes I see here comes from people who are currently employed. If you already have a job, staying at your current company is usually your BATNA.

This means if you tell your interlocutor you hate your job, then they know your BATNA is terrible, and they have no incentive to negotiate with you (other than maybe thinking you are a negative person). Always emphasize the strengths of your current company, your seniority, your impact, and any other aspects you like about where you currently work.

You should make your decision look really close because it is a strong BATNA.

What job negotiation means to an employer

I’ve always said that to be an effective negotiator, you need to understand the other side. So let’s look at what it’s like to negotiate as an employer. (I’ll have to use the tech industry as an example here; details may vary by industry.)

First, we must review and understand what made us accept the offer in the first place. What resources have they spent so far trying to fill this position?

Statistics obtained from here

In total, this process takes about 45 days from start to finish.

Now say you ultimately reject their offer. They spent over $24,000 just to get this one offer to you (not to mention opportunity costs). If you walk away, now they basically have to start this whole process from scratch. This is the problem companies face.

Realize what a daunting challenge they have gone through!

Realize how important it is that you are the one!

Out of the hordes of people who showed up at their door, you are the one they want. They want to bring you into their tribe. They went through a lot of crap to get you here, and now they’ve found you.

Are you worried that if you negotiate, they will take the offer away and not talk to you?

Furthermore, understand that salary is only part of the cost of hiring you. On top of that, employers have to pay for your benefits, equipment, space, utilities, other random expenses, and employment taxes. All in all, your actual salary is usually less than 50% of the total cost of hiring you.

(This means they expect your value to the company, in terms of revenue you will generate, to be more than 2x your salary. If they didn’t believe that, they wouldn’t hire you at all.)

So, here’s what this says: everything is in your favor. It doesn’t feel like it, but it is absolutely the situation right now.

Realize that while you are agonizing over whether to ask for a few thousand dollars more, all they are doing is holding their breath and praying you will sign the offer.

If you don’t sign the offer, they lose. Losing a good candidate sucks. No one wants to believe their company isn’t worth working for.

They want to win, and they will pay for the win.

However, you might worry: “But if I negotiate for more, will they have higher expectations? will my boss hate me for negotiating?”

No, impossible.

Your role will determine expectations for your performance, not how much you negotiated. A salary difference of around $5000 from negotiation is completely irrelevant; your manager won’t care about this at all.

Remember how expensive it is to hire you in the first place! No one is going to fire you just because your performance is $5000 worse than they expected. The cost of firing you and hiring someone else far exceeds $5000 from the get-go.

No, your boss won’t hate you now. In fact, at most large companies, the person negotiating with you won’t even be your boss. Recruiting and management are separate departments, completely independent of each other. Even if you are at a startup, trust me, your boss is used to negotiating with candidates and doesn’t take it as personally as you do.

In short: Negotiation is easier and more normal than you think, and companies are totally willing to negotiate with you. If your gut tells you otherwise, trust that your mental model is wrong.

How to Give the First Number

In Part 1, I mentioned how valuable it is not to give the first number, but there are times when you can’t avoid having to give a number. In that case, there is a way to give the first number without giving the first number.

If a company asks you “What are your salary expectations?” you might say:

I don’t have a specific number in mind. I’m more interested in seeing if this is a good mutual fit. If it is, I’m willing to discuss any competitive offer.

Sounds good. But they push back:

I understand that, but we need to have a clear understanding of what you consider a competitive offer. I need to know if it’s worth proceeding to the next interview step. We are a young startup, so I need to make sure we are aligned on compensation.

This is strong pressure. But you can still push back:

I hear you, and I agree it’s important that we are on the same page. But I really don’t have a specific number in my head. It completely depends on the fit and the overall package. Once we decide we want to work together, I think that’s the best time to determine fair compensation.

Most employers will compromise here, but there is a small chance they will pressure you further:

Look, it seems hard for you to come up with a number. Let’s not waste each other’s time. What offer would you accept?

This is a decision point. They are trying to strip you of your negotiating power and force you into a premature decision.

That said, at this point you might have to give a number, or risk damaging the relationship. (They make a valid point that startups can’t offer the same pay as big companies, and you shouldn’t expect them to. They might sense that you don’t realize this.)

But you can give a number here without actually giving a number.

Oh, okay. I know the average annual salary for a software engineer in Silicon Valley is about $120,000, so I think that’s a good starting point.

Notice what I did here. I didn’t actually answer the question “What offer would you accept?”. I just framed the conversation around “the average salary for a software engineer.”

So, if you are forced to give a number, use objective metrics like industry averages (or your current salary) and make it clear that you are just starting the negotiation from this salary point, not ending it.

How to ask for more in the offer package

Suppose you have an offer, and now you want to improve it. As always, be direct and ask for what you want. Here are the steps you should largely take.

First, reiterate your interest in the company. This is simple:

I’m very excited about the problems you are solving at Your Company…

Now establish the reason you are asking for more. There are two options here: you can say you are hesitant and an improved offer might make it attractive, or you can be a bit stronger and directly say you are completely dissatisfied with the offer. Which approach you choose depends on how much leverage you have, how weak the offer is relative to your BATNA, and whether you have other offers (the weaker your negotiating position, generally the more tentative you should be).

Either way, always be polite.

If you are dissatisfied with the offer, you can say:

I appreciate the effort you put into making this offer, but there are a few things I’m not happy with.

If you want to be more reserved, you can say:

The offer you provided is strong, and now my decision is basically between you and Company XYZ. This is really a tough decision for me, but there are a few aspects where if this offer were improved, it would be much more attractive to me.

Don’t just say something like:

Thanks for the offer. Here are some ways I think it can be improved.

This makes you sound like a jerk. Be polite. If you want to strengthen the whole package, clearly tell them how you feel. This builds trust and conveys the seriousness of the matter.

Negotiation Rule #7: Justify Everything

Suppose you want to increase your salary. Now you have a specific request. It’s time to apply “Negotiation Rule #7: Justify Everything”.

We all implicitly know Negotiation Catch-22: If you say you want more money, you sound greedy. Nobody likes a greedy person, right? So why would they give a greedy person more money?

I suspect this is the main reason many candidates refuse to negotiate. They don’t want to feel greedy; it goes against all social expectations of them. However, in certain situations, it is perfectly fine for most people to negotiate.

Specifically, when they have to.

If you had to raise your salary, or you couldn’t pay rent, or if you had to negotiate to pay for your health insurance to improve your medical situation, you would negotiate without regret. What is the difference? There is a reason for your request.

This is a mind hack for both yourself and your negotiation partner. Just stating a reason, any reason, makes your request seem human and important. It’s not that you’re greedy, it’s that you’re striving to achieve your goals.

The more unobjectionable and sympathetic your reason, the better. If it’s medical bills, or paying off student loans, or taking care of family, you’ll have them in tears. I tell employers my income is for giving, so because I donate 33% of my income to charity, I negotiate aggressively to leave myself enough to live on.

But honestly, even if your reason is hollow and unremarkable, it still has this effect.

Just saying “Can you increase the salary?” sounds like you are only motivated by money. But if you say “I really want to buy a house within the next year, what can we do to increase the salary?” it suddenly looks much more legitimate.

If they refuse your request now, they are implicitly implying to you “No, Jennifer, you can’t buy a house. I think you don’t deserve to own a house.”

No one wants to do that. They want to be the one who says “Okay, Jennifer, I talked to the manager, and I did it. You can buy that new house!”

Of course, needless to say, the reason you want money is so you can spend it on stuff. What do they think you’re going to spend the money on, toilet paper?

I know, it’s dumb. It’s really stupid, but it works.

Go with the flow, justify everything, and you’ll find recruiters are more willing to be your advocate.

Assert your value

One effective move you can make in a negotiation, especially after making a request, is to emphasize the unique value you will bring to the company, for example:

Blah blah blah, I want X, Y, and Z. I know you are looking for someone to build up your Android team, and I believe I bring a lot of experience leading teams of Android developers, and I’m confident I can make your mobile app product rival your competitors. Let me know what you think.

Be confident without bragging or trying to hold yourself to specific metrics (unless you are extremely confident). Whatever you claim should be something you mentioned earlier in the discussion, but can now repeat as a gentle reminder. This reminds them of the carrot and shows that you are still excited about adding value to the company.

But this doesn’t apply to every negotiation, especially for very junior roles where it’s harder to differentiate your value. But later in your career (or for more specialized/consulting roles), this can be a very valuable way to push the negotiation forward.

Negotiation Rule #8: More Than Just Money Motivation

What to ask for

This brings me to “Negotiation Rule #8: More Than Just Money Motivation”. Note that this isn’t code for “If you prioritize things other than money, you’ll get more money.”

Nothing disappoints a company more than someone who only cares about money. This is something you can’t fake.

Actually be motivated by other things. Of course, you should also be motivated by money, but it should be one of many dimensions you are optimizing the offer for. How much training you get, what your first project is, which team you join, even who your mentor is, these are all things you can and should negotiate.

Of these factors, salary might be the least important.

What do you truly value? Be creative. When there is so much cake on the table, don’t just try to haggle.

Of course, to negotiate well, you need to understand the other party’s preferences. You want to make the deal better for both of you, which is why Negotiation Rule #9 is Understand What the Company Values.

Negotiation Rule #9: Understand What the Company Values

How do you figure this out? Well, there are some good rules of thumb.

First, salary is almost always the hardest thing to give for several reasons.

1. It has to be paid out year after year, so it becomes part of the company’s long-term burn.
2. It is almost always something people gossip about, so paying someone a higher salary causes unrest.
3. It tends to be the most strictly constrained by salary bands, especially in large companies.

So if you want more financial compensation, you should look beyond salary as much as possible. For example, signing bonuses are easier to give than salary. The advantage of a signing bonus is that it’s a one-time payment, it makes the candidate excited to join (because everyone loves a lump sum of cash), and it’s usually less public.

Remember, as you continue to work at the company, you can always get a raise, but you only get one signing bonus.

However, the easiest thing for a company to give is stock (if the company offers stock). Companies love offering stock because it invests you in the company and aligns incentives. It also shifts some risk from the company to you and reduces cash burn.

If you are really risk-averse or early in your career, then you should generally try to take as much stock as possible. If you aggressively trade cash for stock, you can end up with a much higher expected value (albeit with higher risk).

Brief on Stock

If you are already very familiar with how equity works, feel free to skip this section. I’m going to talk to the completely uninitiated here because too many people get scammed when valuing stock.

First, understand there are two completely different types of companies:

• Public companies
• Private companies

If the company is public (i.e., it has IPO’d and is listed on the stock market), then its stock is like cash. You will typically be granted RSUs (Restricted Stock Units), which are just shares you can sell on the stock market. Once these shares vest (i.e., are released to you), you can turn around and sell them on the stock market, which is how they turn into money.

If the company is private, then things get more complicated. With private companies, most of the time they won’t actually issue you stock. Usually, they give you stock options. Options are the right to buy stock at a pre-agreed frozen price.

Note that when you want to leave a company, your life gets very complicated if you have options. You may need to pay a large sum of money to actually exercise your options (i.e., buy your pre-agreed stock at the previously frozen price, or risk losing it), and currently, you cannot actually sell them. The only way to truly liquidate your options is if the company IPOs or gets acquired. Many companies fold without ever doing either.

Therefore, options are very risky. It is especially easy to get screwed by options in terms of taxes. For more information, see this article by Scott Kupor at a16z.

Stock Shenanigans

When it comes to equity, many companies will try to play mind games with you. Several companies have pulled these on me.

One common method is to present the total value of the stock grant rather than the annualized value, like the stock isn’t vesting evenly each year, or giving you a vesting period longer than 5 years instead of the standard 4 years.

But the most shocking thing companies will do is tell you ridiculous stories about the value of their stock. They’ll say, “Well, we’re worth this much now, but at our growth rate, we’ll be worth 10 times that in a year. So really, your options are worth millions!”

Don’t sugarcoat it: this is cynical, dishonest nonsense. Don’t fall for it for a second. I’ve encountered this a few times, and the only reason I didn’t drop the offer immediately was because it was the recruiter spouting this nonsense. If it were a manager, I would have rejected the offer outright.

Here’s why this is infuriating: A company’s valuation is determined by investors. These investors see the company’s financials and growth rate and invest at a price that reflects the company’s current growth rate. In other words, their investment valuation already factors in that 10x growth rate. Investors aren’t idiots. Unless you (or your recruiter) think you have privileged information or insight that the company’s investors don’t, you should take the investors’ word for it.

(Not to mention that due to preferred stock, debt, and survivorship bias, the actual valuation of the company is almost always overstated, but we’ll ignore that for now.)

So if a company gives you this crap, push back and tell them thank you, but you will value the stock at the same valuation their investors valued it at.

I mean, be nice about it. But don’t let them try to force-feed you this garbage.

Work is not a suicide pact. Choose a wise and transparent company, and you will be more likely to find yourself respected and taken care of.

Other Things You Can Ask For

Because it would be derelict of my duty if I didn’t point out other things to ask for.

Relocation expenses are usually a separate budget for large companies, so they are often easy to get.

Look for creative benefits that are particularly valuable to you. Maybe it covers your commuting costs, asking to be a dedicated volunteer or have extra study time, getting conference sponsorship, or even charitable donations.

Don’t assume anything won’t happen until you try asking.

That said, don’t throw the whole kitchen sink at them. If you come up with a laundry list of offer changes, the negotiation will quickly become annoying. Keep your requests as concise as possible.

Negotiation Jiu-Jitsu

Recruiters love trying to trick you into ending the negotiation early. They will do this relentlessly. Don’t blame them for it; I suspect they can’t help themselves.

Keep breaking their tricks. Don’t let yourself be forced to end the negotiation before you are truly ready to make a final decision. This is especially damaging if you have multiple offers and you let one company force you to drop offers from other companies. Companies do this successfully all the time, so I want to give you the Jiu-Jitsu techniques for these tricks.

Here are two scenarios you can break through. (These are real situations that happened to me during negotiations, although the numbers and details are fictional.)

Scenario 1:

I asked for a 10K increase in the signing bonus. The company replied:

That’s really hard for us to do. I’ll try and see. I think you’re worth me trying to fight for, but I really can’t go to my boss and fight for you unless they know you’ll sign. If I get you that 10K, will you sign?

You should be thinking: Ah, this person is trying to force me to make a decision and take away my negotiating power.

I responded:

Okay, so what I’m hearing is that you have to spend some of your personal reputation to fight for that 10K bonus for me. If you do end up fighting for me, are you confident you can get that 10K?

They responded:

I think I can, it depends on you. If you really want to join us, then I’ll go fight for you. But I need to be sure you will sign.

Awesome, time for Negotiation Jiu-Jitsu.

That sounds reasonable. Unfortunately, I can’t commit to signing yet. I’m not at the stage where I can make a final decision. Like I told you before, I’m going to sit down with my family this weekend and talk to them. Choosing the company I will work for in the next few years is a commitment I take very seriously, so I want to make sure I make a thoughtful decision.

But since you are confident you can get the extra 10K signing bonus, let’s do this instead: In my mind, I’ll pretend this offer is X + 10K because I’m considering my final decision, and that’s the value I’ll use to evaluate this offer. I know it’s hard for you to get this signing bonus from your boss, so I don’t want you to fight for me until I’m sure I’ll sign.

Then they vaguely gave up and quickly got approval for the 10K signing bonus.

Scenario 2:

I asked for a 20% increase in the equity package. The hiring manager knew I was negotiating with other companies and shot back:

I want to get this equity package for you. I know I can, we have the budget. But before I do, I need your input on something.

What’s that?

I need you to promise me that if I improve your offer, you won’t just turn around and take our offer to Competitor Company to leverage your offer.

You should be thinking: So basically they are asking me not to negotiate. Cute!

Let me see if I understand you. You are willing to improve my offer, but only if I agree that I won’t tell Competitor the offer you gave me. Is that right?

Well, no, I can’t legally do that. I mean… I mean, listen, I like you, but if I improve your offer and you just take our offer to Competitor, then you’ve betrayed my trust.

Okay, let me make sure I understand what you’re saying. If you give me this offer and I tell Competitor, I will be violating the trust you placed in me by giving me this improved offer. Is that correct?

Uh… listen, how about this. In my mind, I’m going to help you get this offer, right? In my mind, I’m going to assume that you are the kind of person I think you are, and that you will consider our offer on its own merits, not just shop it around. Is that fair?

I nodded. He got the improved offer. I continued negotiating and avoided making funny behaviors.

(In case you’re wondering, if he had said “yes”, I would have rejected the offer proposal.)

The Road to Signing

Just constantly asking for things isn’t enough. The company needs to realize that you are actually moving towards a final decision, not just playing games with them.

Your goal in negotiation is not to make the whole thing difficult or for you to be elusive. Of course, you should stick to your values and consider your options carefully, but you can negotiate with the company you are talking to in a respectful and considerate way.

Don’t ghost people. Stay open and communicative. I keep saying honest, and I mean it, honest!

Aside: I’ve been talking about honesty, and you might protest that this goes against my previous “Protect Information” rule, but it doesn’t. Of course, you should protect information that might weaken your negotiating position, but you should communicate everything else (and I mean everything) as much as possible.

Negotiation is relationship, and communication is the cornerstone of any relationship.

Negotiation Rule #10: Play to Win

This brings me to the final rule: Play to Win. This isn’t just about giving the company the impression that you like them (you should always be doing that). But more importantly, you must give any company you are talking to a clear path to winning you. Don’t talk nonsense or play stupid games. Be clear and explicit about your preferences and timeline.

If the company can’t do anything to sign you, or you actually don’t want to work for them, don’t negotiate with them. End it.

Don’t waste their time or play games for your own purposes. Even if this company isn’t your dream company, you have to be able to imagine an offer package that they could at least provide that would get you to sign. If not, politely decline them.

Interviewing you and negotiating with you costs every company money. I didn’t negotiate with every company I received an offer from, but if I made one critical mistake in my job search, it was that I negotiated with too many (largely because I didn’t think my job search would be successful).

Making the Final Decision

Okay, time to make a decision.

(Yes, you have to make a final decision.)

Remember three things here:

1. Clearly state your deadline.
2. Constantly declare when your deadline is.
3. Use your final decision as your ace in the hole.

When you start negotiating, you don’t have to be clear about your timeline because you might not have one yet. But once you get into the middle stages, you should set a signing deadline for yourself. It can be for arbitrary reasons (or no reason at all), but pre-committing to a deadline allows you to negotiate with more clarity and power.

“Spending the weekend with family” is a reason I’ve found works well because it has the added benefit of bringing other decision-makers into the picture. Then, when a company asks you to end negotiations early, you can reaffirm this deadline.

Companies should be fully aware of when you are making a decision. As the deadline approaches, this will raise the stakes and spur the negotiation process.

This deadline also allows you to delay your decision while still improving the offer. Your narrative should basically be “I want to see the strongest offer your company can provide, then I’m going into my cave to meditate for 10 days, and when I emerge, I will have decided in my heart which company to join.” This gives you immense power to avoid any on-the-spot decision points or premature commitments.

Finally, the deadline is approaching. Try to set this day on a weekday (e.g., Friday or Monday) so you can communicate with recruiters on that day. If a miracle is going to happen, it happens here.

Even if there is only one company bidding, you should always wait until the last day to sign your offer. Yes, even if you are sure you will sign, even if it’s your dream job. I’ve seen many scenarios where offers automatically improve as the deadline approaches, or falling players rise up at the 11th hour to offer you the Holy Grail. Either way, there is no downside.

Finally, your ace in the hole. Save this for last. Your ace is these words: “If you can do X, I will sign.”

Note that this isn’t “If you give me X, the offer would be more attractive etc etc.” Dammit, it’s time to make a commitment.

Every company still at the table, let them know what it takes to sign you (unless they can’t do anything). When you make your final ask, don’t forget to give a reason, even if it’s the same reason as before!

Hi Joel, I’ve been thinking about it, and this is really a very tough decision for me. I love everyone at Company XX, but one thing that is making it hard for me is the salary. As you know, I’m working hard to pay off my student loans, so salary is really important to me right now. If you can raise the salary by 10k a year, then I’m totally ready to sign.

Luck willing, they will meet you halfway. Or, with a little better luck, they will meet you all the way.

Just because I know someone will ask, yes, once you say you will sign, you should definitely sign. Never go back on a commitment you made. It’s a small world, people talk, and these things will come back to haunt you later. (More importantly, never break your word, because you are the kind of person who never breaks their word.)

Tell all the other companies that you have made a final decision. Thank them for the negotiation. If you did well in the negotiation, they will usually thank you, tell you to keep in touch, and contact you again the next time you are on the market.

That’s it. You did it! Congratulations! You’re still alive, right?

…You’re not moving.

Okay, that’s good. Time to celebrate your new job, you beautiful fool! (Drinks spill on you.)

If you got some value from this article, please share it with friends who would benefit. Or better yet, follow me on Twitter and I can be your friend.

Haseeb

Reference

• Ten Rules for Negotiating a Job Offer
• Ten Rules for Negotiating a Job Offer - haseeb qureshi
• How Not to Bomb Your Offer Negotiation - haseeb qureshi
• Rick Brownlow’s answer to What is the average cost of recruiting an engineer in Silicon Valley? - Quora
• Farewell, App Academy. Hello, Airbnb. (Part I) - haseeb qureshi
• How Much Does An Employee Cost?
• How Startup Options (and Ownership) Works - Andreessen Horowitz